Did I pick “7” because its a number of fulfillment? Who knows? Let’s get started!
It might sound ridiculous to some or judgmental to others, but is it wrong to feel I’m too young to see broken marriages around me?
My heart’s desire is to see marriages always young and thriving as it gets richer with experience.
I’m not sophisticated to give suggestions and advice. Neither am I a novice. But, my heart goes out to those who’ve given up. I really want to make a difference, even if it’s just a drop in the ocean. The least I can do to help sustain marriages is to be vulnerable and painstakingly honest about ours. I hope it helps at least one couple who’s genuinely fighting for their marriage.
So, here we go – let’s find out about the secrets from our bedroom!
Yes, that’s the first secret.
I can talk to my husband about anything and everything. No secrets!
Try asking him “What’s one best quality you like in her?” He’ll respond with “Honesty”.
Wanna know why? No matter how shy I feel or how emotional I get, I cannot be at peace until I share whatever I think or do or imagine.
Being secretive makes way for lies, fear and everything else that can destroy a marriage.
Being open and honest with your spouse lays the cornerstone of trust which creates a strong foundation to build your marriage on. It’s not an easy road, but one that’ll take you a long way.
2.We have arguments and fights
Yes, we do, but healthy ones!!
When we do, we scream (Er… I mean, I scream. But marriage is all about us, right? 😛 ). I scream in my head and cry on the outside. Well, I’m trying to be genuine.
At the end, we don’t forget to apologize (that’s a collective act) and hug (long hugs).
Then, we top it up with green tea and chocolates, mostly in the middle of the night, to celebrate our healthy accomplishments.
If we cannot have healthy fights, we choose to stay silent. But, we don’t bury it under the carpet. We bring it up for a discussion when both of us are ready – we don’t wait forever.
3.We lock the demons inside and kill them
Here’s the secret to our undisclosed arguments –
Before we let the little demons explode and take control, we shove them out of our heads with whatever it takes (complain, argue, fights and tissues). The process isn’t too long but has a series of steps – Venting, Discussing, Apologizing, Consoling and ends with hugging. The bone breaking hugs suffocate and crush the demons and they just can’t escape out of the four walls of our bedroom. (I’m serious!)
Killing those demons means we don’t have to live with them secretly. We can live in peace inside and outside.
4.Sometimes we just hang in
To be honest, there are times when we feel like giving up (honestly, I did), but what made us hang in?
Six months into our marriage, we attended a marriage seminar by uncle Irwin. He played a video of his late wife, where she shared her testimony. She mentioned that there were times when she wanted to run away from her marriage, which didn’t make any sense to me then, because I was still in the honeymoon phase. But the only thing which made her hang in there was the “Marriage Vows”, she said. That’s exactly what I remembered when I wanted to give up on mine. I recollected our vows and reminded myself that I was hooked for life and there’s no escape.
Marriage seminars and Counseling sessions are very helpful, irrespective of how long you’ve been married. They’re encouraging and inspiring and helps you thrive in your marriage.
5.We pray together
“The family that prays together stays together” – This is absolutely true.
If you don’t agree with me, give it a try and check for yourself.
The relationship between God and you both is best explained by a triangle, with God on the top. As you grow closer to God, you both grow closer to each other.
Take time to pray individually for your spouse every single day.
Hold hands and pray together for your family.
It works like magic.
6.We have seasons of dry spell
Maybe everybody goes through this phase at some point, but the good news is “it’s not the end“.
There are times when there’s nothing to talk about and nothing to do. While there could be millions of reasons for a dry season, there are also solutions in abundance – only if you’re willing to take the time and make an effort to reignite the spark.
Sometimes, we just go on a slow long drive on a lonely road at night to sit back, relax, breathe in the fresh air. It automatically brings a smile and helps initiate small talk. Even if it doesn’t initiate a talk, you’ll come back refreshed.
While weekend vacations and annual abandonment’s are pleasurable and entertaining, it doesn’t have to be luxurious all the time. Sometimes, sitting under the warmth of our own roof gives us the comfort we seek.
Even though we don’t go on couple dates now with a baby in the picture, we take time to go out on a drive or to a restaurant. Sometimes, we just go grocery shopping and grab an ice-cream, or put the baby to sleep and sit on the couch for green tea and conversations.
If planning a date night is close to impossible for you, here are a few ideas to start with –
- Take a marriage assessment and discuss your individual results together. This helps in knowing your spouse better and finding areas of improvement in yourself. (Don’t argue if you can’t agree on something. Just listen)
- Rearrange and shift your dining area to the living room. Decorate it with candle lights. Dress up like you’re going out on a real date. Order in your favorite food. Tada! A restaurant style date night at home! (Read my blog on date night in a balcony)
- Make the best of your routine by doing things together. Cook a meal together or do something that you both are interested in like gardening, or take up a DIY project.
- Turn your living room into a private movie theatre with some popcorn and juice. “War Room” is one of the best movies to enjoy as a couple, and it also nourishes you spiritually.
These are some simple yet profound truths that have helped us thrive in our marriage so far. We’re always open to learning and trying new stuff that helps us grow together – Till death do us part.