Confused of what lies ahead, I found myself struggling at the crossroads of life – just like any other person who’s stuck at making an important decision for life.
Struggling to get rid of the past,
Wriggling to take a decision about the future,
Uncertain of the consequences,
There I was once again – at the crossroads of life.
Completely out of balance, I decided I need a break – at least for a weekend. I booked my tickets, packed my bag and started home. All I could see was brokenness and all I could taste was bitterness in life. That was all I could see in the screenplay of my life and I had no clue of what was happening behind the scenes.
I was travelling at 100 kmph, but my mind was racing at jet speed. Unable to catch up with the speed of flowing thoughts, I could hardly sleep. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, back at home, my dad and brother had a special prayer agenda that night – a specific prayer request – for me, for my future. I had no idea why, what and how but they prayed for me that night.
Brokenness and bitterness were the only words flashing on the big screen,
But, Intercession prayer continued behind the scenes
What won in the end? – The visible hurt or the invisible prayer?
The morning light came, and it brought a fresh sense of hope with it. I was pleased with myself and the decision I made to come home. Hardly an hour into the relief and contentment, my sister came running into the room – a little confused, a little excited but more of a feeling which she herself didn’t know. She whispered – “Dad just received a phone call, and it’s about an alliance for you. He will share the news soon. Be prepared.” I thought – “What!? Now, that’s beyond what I can expect my mind to take. I just came here to relax and give my exhausted mind some rest.” I said – “May be you heard it wrong or maybe it’s for you.” She said, “Wait and see! You will hear it soon.”
A new wave of emotions and thoughts
Kicked in me a restless struggle for peace.
I could hear silent discussions across the hallway, and I was still trying to figure out if what I heard was true. It came as a shocker for my mum too – I could see her disturbed face. Only dad was at peace. He seemed to be happy. He called all of us together and I was not ready to hear what he was about to tell, especially if what I heard was really true. He softly said, “We shall go out in the evening, to the farmhouse church away from the city, where we can sit, pray and discuss together as a family.” I started believing what my sister said, as my dad mentioned – “I have peace about it. I want you all to pray and let me know your decision too.” I scanned through Dad’s peaceful tone, Mom’s confused face, Brother’s excited heart and Sister’s worried mind. How can I even describe my feelings and emotions? They just can’t be put in words. I dreaded the evening.
Dad’s peaceful tone,
Mom’s confused face,
Brother’s excited heart,
Sister’s worried mind –
Did they even define what I was going through?
It was an hour’s drive from the city, and the car was so silent I could hear my heart thumping with every breath I took. Soon as we reached, we all sat for a round table conference. Dad explained about the phone call and how peaceful he was about it. However, the good thing (if there was one) was that he didn’t force his decision on us. He only asked us to pray about it.
A pounding heart,
A fluttering stomach,
An impatient mind,
Teared up eyes –
Guess that describes what I was going through.
When it was my turn to pray, I was afraid to recite the words which my heart was trying to push through my mouth. I barely found words to express my heart’s feelings. But I prayed, and all I could pray was the prayer Jesus prayed on the mount before He was crucified – “Lord, Not my will! But let yours be done! You know what’s best. You fulfill your purposes for my life, and give me the courage and strength to co-operate with your will.”
We all prayed and dad gave me a week’s time to pray and make a decision, depending on which he can take it forward.
Regretting the instant decision of coming home, I was waiting for the next day, so I can go back to the earlier thoughts which now seemed far too less a worry.
P.S: I’ll soon post the next episode “My Decision”
Meanwhile, show your guess work by posting in the comment section below. Also, if you have been in a similar situation, I’d love to hear your story, too.